How to save the World … with science fiction

Ok, first off please don’t take this post too seriously – it is meant to be a light hearted look at how to solve the World’s problem with a little science fiction.

In order to put yourself in the mood I’d like you to think of Jacques Tati’s Playtime as inspiration (feel free to watch the trailer here). Actually come to think of it – watch the movie and skip this blog post – you will enjoy it more!

The inspiration behind this post is an email debate that I had with 5 university friends recently where we despaired at the US Presidential election, BREXIT, Syria, the state of Europe, the world, economics, factional politics, inequality, failures in neo-liberalism and whatever other topics occur to the champagne-drinking, gold Rolex-wearing, BMW-driving elite (only kidding, if I recall it started with a pint of cider in the local pub).

Thus it occurred to me that saving the World was really quite simple …

Step 1: Delivery of Universal Wisdom

Wisdom is something which we appear to be very short of judging by recent events. I am not saying that the decisions that the populace has made are not wise (who’s to say what BREXIT really means?) but the ongoing confusion and mis-information is the point. Remember the 1977 Australian film, The Getting of Wisdom? The point of the movie is the coming of age and gathering real world experience. Only now do you realise that the guy who says he loves you to get into your pants is not genuine.

The technology to deliver this is pretty simple and already available. It is a really cool pair of sunglasses with instant visual search of anything that you’re looking at, projecting an image on the glasses that fact checks what you’re watching and gives you reams of accurate information to help you make a wise decision on what you’re watching (definitely NOT Google Glass or even Facebook Oculus, the tricky thing here is to filter out all the cat videos and Breitbart news posts but we can do it)!

Step 2: A Really Useful Personal Assistant

No, not Siri or Cortana or Google Assistant or Alexa, we are talking an AI assistant that actually reads your mind and then helps you make up your mind via direct cranial injection.

You scoff – check out what the University of Washington is doing here. Imagine being able to project your thoughts onto the incoming President of the USA and get him to do what you know to be right!

Step 3: Solving Climate Change

This idea came to me when I saw the supermoon the other day and thought, “well if the moon can come closer to the Earth and look larger, why not push the Earth further from the Sun so that we can re-grow the polar ice caps”.

Turns out that bastion of scientific certainty, Universe Today, has the answer. Why have I been wasting my time on subscriptions to Scientific American and New Scientist when all i had to do was read this useful mag.

Step 4: Solving World Poverty

Turns out if you divide the world’s wealth by the world’s population you get the GDP of Italy for every person in the world. That doesn’t sound too bad if you live in Sudan, in Malawi, Burundi, Niger and so forth.

Also turns out that most of the wealth that needs re-distributing is sitting in accounts that have electronic access so all we need to do is hire Tom Cruise and his IMF team to do some electronic thievery and send it off to some of the poorer countries in the world. Sounds easy although we may lose a little on Tom Cruise’s salary ($100m per movie at the latest count).

Actually turns out most of the tech in the Mission Impossible films is real and not science fiction. Let’s do it!

Step 5: Curing Disease

Actually for this one I am going to give the floor to Mark Zuckerberg. He recently donated $3billion to this worthy cause and wrote (on Facebook of course) about how to do it. He’s a clever guy and has a lot of friends (1.7 billion I think) so, with money, friends and a noble vision, I am sure he will get it done.

Step 6: Eliminating Bias and Discrimination

I missed this on the first post as I thought I had it covered in Step 1. Turns out we need to do a quick upgrade to the cool sunglasses I just invented and add a reality distortion field. This specific reality distortion field turns whetever you’re looking at into what you really want to look at. Kind of like Shallow Hal only it works for everything you look at. You’re a member of the Klan, all you see is white faces in New Orleans. You’re an immigration officer at Tijuana, all you see is Texan cowboys going across the border. Perfect, we just white-washed the world, makes the portrayal of Genghis Khan by John Wayne seem like inspired casting!

So there we have it – world saved and you still have time to finish off that latte you’re drinking. I’ve done my bit for the planet and I am going to drift back into obscurity where I belong.

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